I did it. God it was hell hard I tell you. To declare break up with someone you completely love.

He gave me a call once he woke up, and we talked random things. At the end, I opened up about this break thingy, that I think he need a lesson of all this. Its time to do soemthing radical, that I believe the outcome would be something greater, would benefit us later.

The reason why I want to break up, is far away from the par of hating and forgetting whatsoever exes normally do. I do this because I want him to treasure all things had happened between us, mostly cos of why he hadnt been 100% honest with me. I cought him lying to me, enough on the 3rd time I think its time to take some actions.

I wish he would realize all this, and he would never lie to me again in the future, if he really scared of breaking up with me. I didnt hear him crying last night, I didnt want to hear. It would cut my heart to pieces and would break me down as well. So far now I'm all fine, not really crying. But deep down I'm so sad for what's happening on us now.

Why this all happened? I thought our love is real, based on love, trust and honesty. And I thought he commit 100% to the relationship. But why he's being all lest honest with me?? Why he has to lie? Is there something between him and the girl, that got him make a decision of hiding it from me and telling the untruth?

I am sad. I am upset with him. And he really deserve this; break up.

At first I thought I am being all heartless for this, but when I asked few people, they said I'm doing the right thing. I cant believe we are actually on "break-up"..

New Year's Eve..and I'm stuck at home. I already had plans for tonight actually, but urm Lim doesnt allow me to go out celebrating, he said its not really appropriate for girls to go out late at night with some random guys whatsoever. But heck I'd be going with my friends all, not only me the only girl. But urgh nevermind. I dont wanna argue.

As for that,he promised he wont be going out celebrating as well, and we would having some sweet moment together on ym after so long he had been busy all. So yeah, I've been home since 6pm, and now is already 10pm, and I'm still waiting for him to wake up. Grr

My head is still haunted by what happened yesterday. It was such a nightmare I tell you, I could feel I was about to collapse, no shit. And I was happy with the decision that I finally made, that I wont break up with him. But urm..I think I'd change my mind now.

I just had a long conversation with my brother, practically he knows almost everything of the story, who's that girl and all, cos she once had been his girlfriend long time ago. So yeah, he must know her quite well, more than I do, right? And as a man, he must understand a bit what Lim has in mind, why did he do that and all. So yeah, I asked him about everything. And the advice he told me is kinda..urmm hard for me to accept.

He said,all this been happening is not because of me or that girl, but it all cos of Lim himself. He's the one that let this all happen. Let's see thoroughly:Lim obviously knows it how that girl's been reacting, how I hate her, and how it affects our relationship. He surely realized that. But why he keep repeating the same mistake to happen again? Why he let the girl came and do the same thing that he surely knew it I would eventually find out and mad? Why?

If he really loves me, he would never let things like that happen again, right? If he really is into me, he would never do things that he knew I would be upset about it, right? AND, he wouldnt befriend with her again if he realized she's the one that's gonna ruin our relationship, right?

Thus,to come and think about it, does he still have some kind of love feelings towars her even a lil bit, or? I dont know. Thats the only thing I can conclude.

So, my brother told me to ask for a break, and let it off for like 2 weeks. We'll see how he would react with the condition, and whether he would begging on me back or not. It's time to give a lesson, to make him realize his mistakes, and to make him remember I'm not that stupid.

Urghh.he still asleep. I dont know whether I'm strong enough to do this. Last night was a hectic, I hate to hear him crying again. But..my brother said, sometimes we need to sacrifice first before living in heaven. Its either now, or he might hurt me again in the future, we would never know right?

God..this is way hard...

He's away..again.

I was so excited waiting for him to wake up, I got so many things to story, I bet he'd love to know all of them, cos he's the one reminded me to story him later once he awake. But then..

Lim: I gotta go
Kat: Now?
Lim: Yea. I just woke up actually, and now I'm in a hurry. Sorry baby..

Ok he already bought New York pass, so it would be so wasted if he dont use it satisfactorily - thats what he explained. I understand.. Hey I really do! What can I do, right? But still, I feel sad though, cos I was so excited, plus we didnt reach each other this one whole day.

Here I am..waiting again.

Another story from another ldr lovers. Hell yeah, I love to hear stories from people, you know how they commit to the relationship, and get used to the distant, and all. So, this afternoon I went out with this girl, she is Lim's bestfriend's girlfriend. Err she is a girlfriend to Lim's bestfriend. Urgh whichever way for your easier understanding. Hee.

Her boyfriend is studying in Colorado for 4 years. He left on the same date same time with my boyfriend, so at the airport was actually my first time speaking to this girl. I saw she came with her 3 friends, all the way from her college by cab, and she didnt cry at all! I was kinda surprised, cos I cried hell badly in front of everyone. Nah my boyfriend is leaving you gotta understand that..

So today she and I, we hang out for the first time, and it was kinda fun to know her story with her boyfriend, how hard they working out with their relationship. But deep inside I know I should be endlessly grateful for having Lim as my guy. And I do have many reasons why :

1- her boyfriend is the type that put gaming on top of priority, even her girl down to number 2 lmao.

2- their first date was really lmao. He sounded her teeth seem not really arranged, and she got something stuck in between her teeth. You know how black-market is that, to have your boyfriend sound you on your first date ever? Lmao

3- her boyfriend is the egoistic type, as in whatever his words are, people have to follow/listen. Idk about other people, but he does that to his girlfriend. She has to agree on whatever things he said. He listens not to his girlfriend.

4- her boyfriend is not the sweet lovey soft like-a-baby type. He's more like, very chill and heartless. Urgh not really hertless, but urm dont treat her that sweet

5- her boyfriend spend money only for himself, like shopping and stuff

6- her boyfriend dont call, dont care to skype, its always been her to make a call, and it sure cant be that long up to an hour the least, the rate is very expensive if we make a call from local to overseas.

7- her boyfriend decided not to come back Malaysia next summer. Instead, he wants to travel around Europe or somewhere, but not going back definitely. Can you imagine how hurtful that news can be to her? Gosh..

8- her boyfriend mingles around with girls most of the time. His college got quite few number of girls from Malaysia, mostly are his seniors, but still..age doesnt matter. Though he didnt seem to like any of them, but I can feel she must be darn jealous

9- her boyfriend wants to work at least 2 years after his graduation, which they have to wait like 6 years from now to get married.

VS

1- my boyfriend is more crazy towards football than his own girlfriend. When there got football match, he would ignore me completely.

2- my first date was really sweet indeed. I got my first kiss of all time, and it was totally unexpected. He did it when I was kinda sleepy, we were in the car when suddenly he kissed.

3- my boyfriend always listen to whatever I say, and he would disagree if its way too much. Easy to say, we normally discuss things before deciding something. We listen to each other.

4- my boyfriend is super duper sweet and always wanted me to treat him like a baby. My most favourite part of him =]

5- my boyfriend would think of me whenever he go shopping, whether I would love it or not, though it's his shirts or pants whatever. And sometimes he would buy me things when there's a sale, without I asking him

6- my boyfriend would call, if we cant skype. Its a must for us to at least call once a day

7- my boyfriend is coming back to Malaysia next May yahooooo!! He missed me, he missed his family.

8- my boyfriend dont really have Malaysian girls studying in his college, so it is kinda relieved for me to know. So, he dont mingle with girls a lot

9- my boyfriend wants us to get married right after graduation. Another point for me!


I love him. She even said she can see how different her boyfriend treats her, compared to mine. And she said how lucky I am to have a guy like Lim. But she didnt regret, she'd never be, cos whatever bad or good things that person have, if we're destined to love each other, then we gotta learn to accept imperfections and improve for better.

I just started to use broadband today. Though the connection is way suck than LAN cable, but I just urm..want to online in my room, not in the hall where I got no privacy totally. So yeah, I was kinda happy a bit, especially when I saw him woke up so early this morning and nudged me on skype.

But sadly..the message been pending for minutes! Cant webcam as well, due to the weak connection. So I tried to log in ym, and after few trials, it worked out. Eventhough cant webcam, but at least we can type and no more pending messages!

Oh he said he has to go like around 930am, in 10minutes time. I was like, okayyy go have fun. I know his friends from Wisconsin coming over his place for like 7 days, they want to go around New York. So, I completely understand if he's away. But not this kind of news I'd like to hear..

That he might be going for three days, until Tuesday. I was like, wtf what take you so long to go, its just New York. Plus, it is your friends thats coming to visit, not you the person already lived in there..But I didnt protest, at all. To my surprise, I only said: ok go have fun baby. Take care. I love you. Muahhhh.

I went offline straight away. I know this is quite hard, but..I gotta face it. This is ldr baby, what you expect. Yeahhh. But I still could feel tears on my cheek..