I was googling something, when I stumbled upon this:

People who struggle daily to care for a loved one have many unique challenges that require them to persevere on a regular basis.

Urm..struggle daily, every single time! But I dont think I have any sorts of unique challenges. Lets look at what had just happened recently, on something not very radical, but in a way for suicidal lmao.

We were on the phone last night, and I was bitching about my friends and I, how we really friends like you know, we've been all hypocrite and pretending like we comfort having each other, whilst the fact is contrariwise. Later before hung up, like normals we would say iloveyou youloveme lmao, but this time he added with: your love no hypocrites right?

I was like, what the? After 6 months suddenly you arent sure whether my love is real or not? You know, at first I took what he said very seriously. It bugged me like hell, I gotten mad for the rest of the night. The next day, at noon, I texted him: do you think you ever forgotten to call your girlfriend this morning?

He called me once the message delivered.....just to tell me that he cant call me very often after this, cos he's overspent, and out of budget, so he has to start saving, if not he cant buy flight ticket to Malaysia next May 2010. Okaaay nice you didnt apologize you seem very well indeed, while I here was like...in inferno. I hung up, and cried like hell.

He sent me message, he knew I must be mad, but he didnt know the reason why. He even asked me what did he do? I was like..I feel like throwing myself out of the window down to the ground from 4th floor of my apartment-that mad seriously. I tried to sleep, it was 12 noon, I've finished all my classes.

After like an hour, I started to cry again, nonstop. My head started to ache, spinning. I motivated myself:its okay later mom would be here in any time, we would go on vacation for 4 days. But she was damn late around 430pm she appeared. Guess what I did to stop myself from crying so pathetically?

I had 5 panadols gulped in one go. Seriously! Okay at that time I couldnt think normally, all I know I wanted to do something that can stop me from crying. Internet connection was down, I didnt have a choice. Right after I gulped all 5, I was terrified. I got scared. Can it kill me? Whats the effects to my body later? I texted him about that,but no replies. I was sort of, so shock with my own braveness!

Okay it wasnt actually a brave idea, but hello I never been doing any suicidal thingy, when suddenly I gulped 5pills in one go, dont you think it's kinda crazy? Plus, I havent had lunch that day. Mom arrived minutes later, and I felt nausea all over me. He called me later, and was so mad at me. He sounded so worried, he said if anything bad happens to me, he would blame himself first. And if I die, what would happen to him? I was..speechless. No points can defend myself from my own stupidity..

He said he was just joking about the hypocrite love, he didnt see any ways how I could think it was a serious matter..Fuck you girlfriend, dont you know when your boyfriend jokes or not?

He asked me to promise not to do any crazy harmful stuff like that again, or else we break up. Lmao - NO. I surely would never do that again, if he put it that way. I dont wanna break up, I promise to myself no more suicidal thoughts. No more..